


The Rules of Living With The Marauders

by HelloFanpeoples



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Death, Gen, Halloween, Marauders, close to canon?, i only added peter as a character because i'd feel bad if i didn't, remus likes popcorn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-21
Updated: 2016-01-21
Packaged: 2018-05-15 09:34:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,885
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5780770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HelloFanpeoples/pseuds/HelloFanpeoples
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Lily and James bought their house, they posted an ever-changing list of rules on their refrigerator, to be added to as needed. Don't leave chocolate frog wrappers on the floor. Punishment by diaper change is completely legal. Don't hex the shower for any reason (Unless Sirius is singing). Keep obnoxious flirting to a minimum, it upsets Peter. But on one Halloween, the most important rule is broken.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Rules of Living With The Marauders

"So, Prongsy, who's coming to the party tonight?" Sirius was hanging upside down over the back of the couch, dangling a stuffed rabbit in baby Harry's face.

"We're not having a party, dumbass. It'll bother Harry. And we’re in hiding." 

"James! Don't swear near the baby!" Lily smacked him over the head with a newspaper. James just laughed and messed up his hair.

"You've got to be kidding me. It's a fuckin' tradition! And Bambi won't mind, right buddy?" Sirius sat up properly, grabbed Harry from the floor, took his chin and shook his head "no" gently. Harry laughed. Remus threw a pillow at Sirius from across the room. Unfortunately, he was a notoriously bad shot, and the baby received the brunt of the impact. He stopped laughing, lip quivering, and was about to yell when Sirius flipped him upside down and tickled him.

"Mr. Moony, that was absolutely uncalled for. I believe you're forgetting rule 53: Don't throw things at the baby. And I thought that one was a given."

"James, that rule wouldn't exist if it was a given." Lily said. 

All the rules had been made after a mistake. They had started off simple: Don't leave dishes in the sink. Wands don't belong on the coffee table. Books were for reading, not for enchanting into glitter bombs. (Remus still found sparkles in his hair sometimes.) Then it was Help Lily with the groceries. Excuse the obsessive child-proofing. Don't ask daily if the child can be named after you. ("Sirius Orion Potter has a nice ring to it, really!" "If you like James' name so much, you should have married him instead.") Then Harry came, and more rules were added. If a new rule was needed, someone would write it on a list on the refrigerator. Sometimes they would have to be altered after they were written, ("Remus Lupin is the lord of this household and all must obey him, even and especially Sirius" didn't last long) but generally it was a good system. Peter still apologized for the even that lead to the creation of rule 53. It had never occurred to him that throwing a sippy cup at a six month old might not end well.

"I was enforcing rule 67! No swearing near Harry!"

"Oh, of course. Well, Sirius, he's got a point." Lily was advancing with her newspaper.

"I calmed him down, didn't I? And besides, it's not like he can speak yet. As soon as he starts parroting, I'll mind my language. No! Wait! Not the–OW!" Remus and James were laughing as Lily attacked Sirius with the rolled up Prophet. Harry looked confused. Still sitting on Padfoot's knee, he was getting jostled by his adoptive uncle's attempts to avoid the flying paper. Just as he was about to fall, Remus swooped in and grabbed him. Rule 48: Don't drop the baby.

"Lily, I think you're being a bit hard on him. You'll kill his few remaining brain cells. Also, may I count this as endangerment of the child? Unnecessary hair-messing? You've broken too few rules lately." 

"I get your point, Moony, but this may be his last punishment as a 21 year old. Gotta make it count!" With this statement, Sirius yelped, turned into a dog, and ran to hide in the corner. 

"You think he can make it three days without breaking a rule? You have so much faith in him, Lil." James took the newspaper and kissed her cheek. Remus sat Harry on the rug and returned to his chair. Padfoot sulked in the corner for a moment, then sat on Remus' feet and stuck his tail in Harry's face.

"Anyway, yeah, Padfoot, no party this year. It'll be too loud for Bambi. And who'd come, anyway? The Order's so busy, and has anyone even heard from Peter this week? I swear, for our best friend he's awfully absent. And, y’know, can't have a party if we're HIDING! You’re not even supposed to be here, mate. Actually, you have to go somewhere else. Not the couch."

"So what are Moony and I supposed to do? Are you having another "James and Lily" night? Excuse me for being concerned, but the last time I was kicked out Harry showed up. Well, I guess he showed up a few months later...You know what I meant! Stop giggling, Rem!"

"That can't be the only time you've been kicked out. You're always at my flat. My neighbor keeps calling you my boyfriend." 

"Well, I go to your place because I like it. The last time James said 'Not the couch' was...YOU KNOW."

"Really? Last time I heard that phrase was when Wormtail and Harry teamed up to shit on it and chew the armrests." Lily added, "And Sirius, you know you could just say we had sex, right? I mean really. We're all adults here." Sirius just pointed at Harry and screamed incoherently. 

"Translation: Padfoot wished to use the presence of a child to deny your previous statement, and while he has succeeded, it is more through his own regression back to childlike gestures and babbling than the acknowledgement of Harry." Remus said, and James and Lily nodded. Sirius just rolled over and sighed into the carpet. Harry pulled his hair.

"Hey, mister. Rule 9: Don't mess with the hair." James picked up his son, sat on the couch and bounced the baby on his knees. Sirius sighed again.

"Oh, cut the act, Sirius. Go have fun with Remus. Hey, call us if you hear anything from Peter, okay?" Lily kicked Sirius and he sat up. 

"Now? We don't even get dinner first?"

"No. Between the two of you, you should be able to make pasta, right? Even James can make pasta. Sorry to dump him with you, Remus. You know, you could get a flat of your own..."

"Hey, I pay for my rent. And I babysit. That's worth something."

"It's alright, Lily. He's only complaining because you made him leave. Otherwise, we'd both be very happy to have him at my place."

"What, so you don't love me when I complain?"

"We're leaving now, Sirius. Go say goodbye to Harry." As Remus put on his coat, Sirius shuffled over to James and Harry, who had moved to the kitchen.

"Bye, little deer. You're almost more trouble than you're worth, you know that?" He kissed the baby's forehead and dashed out the door, leaving the Potters alone in their house. 

 

It was cold and the air smelled of rain. Rain was always right around the corner in England, but this was a special sort. Remus could sense the electricity in the air. It felt dangerous, but everything felt a bit dangerous as a werewolf in the middle of a war. Sirius noticed it too. He was mumbling about thunder. Remus thought he was scared of it. The last time there's been a thunderstorm, he'd turned into Padfoot and sat under Remus' table. He'd never do that at the Potters; James would tease him for months. It probably had something to do with the animagi. An animagus always had qualities of their animal before they turned. That's how the creatures were chosen, yet sometimes it seemed that the Marauders had become more like their animal as they spent more time as them. James startled more easily, Peter made a small squeaking noise when he was injured, and Sirius tried to avoid chocolate. He claimed he didn't like it. Remus didn't complain.

Halloween night was just beginning. Tombstones dotted lawns and giant cobwebs were strewn in hedges. A little girl in fairy wings ran up to the young men and shouted "Twick o tweat!" before her mother came to lead her back home. Remus smiled and wished the family a happy halloween, and elbowed Sirius to do the same. He just grimaced and nodded, then turned away and muttered about rain and how he didn't have a coat.

"That's your own fault, Mr. Padfoot. You left it at the Longbottoms' last week, remember?"

"What?"

"Your coat, you dolt. Do you even know what you're saying?"

"Apparently not." They approached Remus's building. Sirius darted through the doors and up the stairs fast enough to scare the old man walking towards the exit. When Remus made it to his flat, Sirius was standing by the door, bouncing like he'd just eaten an entire bag of candy. He probably had, to be fair. The Potters kept their house well stocked. Rule 15: Never eat the last of the Malteasers. Lily would kill you. James loved the Every-Flavored Beans, but since he was practically the only one, no rule had to be made about those. 

The little old lady across the hall opened her door, a tray of orangey sugar cookies in her hands. 

"Hello Remus! Happy Halloween. Oh, and you too," she said to Sirius. If he didn't know better, and maybe he didn't, Sirius could have sworn she winked at Remus. Anyways, he was blushing, which was rather rare for him. 

"Yes, happy Halloween to you too, Helen. Those cookies smell...marvelous..." It took almost all of Sirius's seemingly infinite energy not to laugh out loud. Remus could be quite cynical when he wished, but this sarcastic drawl was almost exclusively reserved for mocking Severus. 

"Oh, they're for you dears!" She shoved the tray into Remus's hands. They looked almost as bad as they smelled, but who was he to refuse? Padfoot had started giggling. He whispered something about deers and laughed even more. "Goodnight, boys!" Helen returned to her apartment. 

"Loony old lady and a fuckin' shit baker to boot." Remus grumbled, and tossed his keys to Sirius. He unlocked the door and promptly crashed on the couch. Moony brought the cookies inside, dropped them roughly on the counter, threw his coat on Sirius, then threw a cookie at him, too.

"Did anyone mention I'm not a dartboard?"

"Wasn't a dart. Cookies and darts are very different. For instance, eating a dart would probably be better for you than eating one of these."

"Aw, give the lady a break. At least she tried. Besides, she could make a fortune in the construction market. This is a high-quality brick."

"Yeah, made of lard and sugar, with a healthy dose of these crappy sprinkles and, I don't know, some cement? Fuckin' wizards can't make a brick this good."

"Moony, what happened to Rule 67? I'm offended."

"You're not a child"

"Oh really?" He threw all of the couch cushions at Remus. Apparently, Sirius had forgotten he was a wizard with a wand. Remus had not. Soon, Padfoot was buried under a mound of pillows. Remus just sighed and sat in a nearby chair.

"Hey Moony?" Sirius's voice was muffled, as he made no attempt to free himself from his prison.

"Hmm?"

"Did you ever tell that lady we weren't...like, a couple?"

“Maybe?”

“Okay.” He sat in his little cell for just a moment longer. Rule 32: Don’t destroy a perfectly good pillow fort. Remus turned on the TV and flipped channels until he found Frankenstein. He waved the cushions off of Sirius and back onto the couch (obiurnum supellmentum). They both moved to the magically-repaired furniture and watched as the monster was brought to life. Peter had always loved this movie. He’d forced all of the Marauders, and eventually Lily, to watch it every Halloween. It had become a tradition. Wherever he was tonight, Remus thought, he’d be watching Frankenstein. 

“Popcorn?” 

“Sure.” Sirius tottered around the kitchen for a couple minutes. He poured a hidden bag of M&Ms into the bowl, although he didn’t often eat them. Something about how chocolate’s bad for dogs. There was always chocolate in Remus’s apartment. It was usually hidden, especially from Lily, but once he’d found a slightly drunk Padfoot eating a Dairy Milk. After finding an empty stash after a particularly bad moon, Rule 20 was born: Ensure chocolate supply at all times. 

“Hey Moony?”

“Mmph”

“Why not?”   
“What?”

“Mrs. Cookie Brick thinks we’re dating.”   
“Yeah? She also thinks she’s a good cook. People are wrong sometimes.”

“Why didn’t you correct her?”  “I dunno. She’s old.”

“Rem.”

“Popcorn.”   
“You’re being obstinate”

“Yep. Popcorn.”

“Oh, fuck you. Here’s your dumb American candy, too.” He jumped onto the couch, taking up as much space as possible. 

“Thanks.” They sat in silence for a while. Sirius never got tired of watching Muggle movies, even if he’d seen them ten times already. Remus was just happy to have his popcorn.

“Hey Moony?”

“Really?”  “Do you, like, like me?”   
“What are you, a first year?”

“Well, I’ve recently been likened to a child, so I don’t see why not. Are you going to answer the question?”

“Don’t think so, mate.” Remus rested his head on his friend’s shoulder. The apartment was drafty; the windows had never been properly repaired and the walls were thin. Sirius twisted his fingers through Remus’s curls absently. Remus was fast asleep.

“What an arse.” Sirius was nearly nodding off as well, when he noticed his two-way mirror glowing. He picked it up only to see the Potter’s ceiling and hear someone beating on the door. James would never drop the mirror. No one knew where James and Lily were. Even Sirius couldn’t have returned to the house unless Peter told him where it was. Only Peter. It had to be Peter knocking. James would never drop the mirror. Where was Peter? Where was-FUCK.  
Sirius jumped up and ran for the door, forgetting about Remus entirely. He didn’t even grab his coat. As he struggled to open the door, he heard a voice behind him.

“Pads?” He turned to see a very groggy Remus pointing his wand at the door. “Where are you going?”

“James and Lily and Harry– They’re– He– I HAVE TO GO.” He was shouting, crazed. He had always been terrifying when upset.

“I’m coming with you.”

“No.”  “Sirius, everyone thinks you’re the secret keeper. You’re in danger too. You can’t stop me.” Secret keeper. How did he know? Had he– No. He was smart. Of course he’d figured it out. But he was wrong. Sirius could stop him.

“Petrificus Totalus!” As Remus fell to the floor, Sirius ran. But he saw the look of shock and anger frozen on his friend’s face. Rule number 2: Don’t lead your friends into danger.

He didn’t have to remember where the Potters lived. Even a muggle could have found it tonight, with the Dark Mark burning in the sky. Padfoot ran faster than ever, faster than he had run with Moony on an accidental night outside the Shack, faster than when he and Prongs had made a bet about who could get home to Harry first. The mark was there, but James and Lily would fight any Death Eater that stepped inside their door. They were still alive. They had to be.

He turned the final corner and raced towards house, the door swinging lightly with what could be mistaken for a cheerful Halloween breeze. There was nothing cheerful tonight. Rule 50: Don’t leave the door open. In the top window, he noticed a flash of green light, and then another right after. A man screamed. Padfoot darted through the door and stopped dead. Dead. Dead. James was lying on the floor. His wand and the two-way mirror were next to him. Dead. Rule 12: No sleeping by the door. Sirius grabbed the mirror and ran upstairs. He couldn’t think. Rule 12, James. Had to save Harry. But it was Lily he found first, Lily with her blank eyes green as the curse that had killed her. And there was another. Black cloak. Voldemort himself, lifeless, and Harry Potter still blinking and sniffling in the crib. Harry was alive. Rule 41: Care for Harry, no matter what. Peter had to die. 

The sound of an explosion rocked the house, but Sirius’s pulse was so loud he barely noticed. He slowed, coming to a stop in the middle of a street, right at the center of a circle of broken pavement. There were dead muggles scattered around the edge. And right by his foot, a single, fat, bloody finger, and across the road a familiar rat limping away. Sirius could only laugh. Peter’d won.

Lily and James were dead. His fault. Who’d killed Voldemort, though? Two flashes upstairs, two bodies. Harry’d done it. Harry, age one, already saving the world. He’s better than I am, ha! Gone, gone, can’t blame Snivellus for this one, can you Pads? Rule...who cares?: Blame Snivellus. Remus was right. Where were the Aurors? Where was the Order? Aurors, Order, Aurors, dead. Was he singing? His fault! Rule 1, most important rule 1: Look out for each other. Remus, pretty Remus, he’ll cry when he hears. All his friends gone in one night! Give him Harry. Rule 41. He’ll be a good father. Why can’t I have Harry? Sirius, go get Harry. No, no, I’d kill him too. Ha! There’s the Aurors. Hello, Kingsley! Go get help. Run to Remus. He needs you, Sirius. Hello! Come kill me, I deserve worse. His fault, my fault, your fault. They’re dead, Kingsley, and all I can do is laugh. Rule 1, rule 1. Come kill me, Mad Eye. KILL ME. 

**Author's Note:**

> heyyy! i wrote this in, like, october when jkr released sirius's birthday. still so sad about that btw. this is also posted on my wattpad account but i just kinda wanted to throw it out here. my profile's so empty. sorry for any confusion at the end. no i'm not. that was the goal.
> 
>  
> 
> i think i'd like to write a list of the potters's rules sometime. that'd be fun. feel free to comment other rules or constructive criticism or anything! thanks.


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